I love it here and will remain forever.
I hate it here and will never come back.

Yesterday afternoon I stepped over my piles of wires and books and scraps of paper and made my way to the little corner where I had put my paycheck. The money from Madison came in the mail so I thought it would be a fine time to head to the bank. It turns out that I slept too long on paying my Pittsburgh parking ticket, but I mailed them an explanatory letter that ends in “God Bless,” so we’ll see what happens.

At the Town Food Market there is a sign that says “No Loitering. No Begging.” I bought six tallboys and made my way to the store. There, Mike and I consumed them. Blaine is back from South America but she couldn’t have a drink with us for Health Reasons. She was (reportedly) wearing Arnau’s De La Soul shirt and time melted away. How long will it be until I’m hanging out on the roof of my house at 4AM, drinking and watching the bats and weird passersby? What ever changes? (As opposed to “Changes, whatever,” buhhhhh)

After many hours of loitering and begging on Jon’s stoop I made my way back to the house, got in the car and went for Indian Buffet. Afterwards, around 9PM, Susy and I fell asleep almost immediately. I slept fitfully all night and got up for work around ten. I had meandering dreams about Christmas Day for the second time in so few weeks.

Not long ago in Dan’s house on Christmas Day (in dreams), I went through his drawers and found his drugs. I tied up my arm and shot heroine and no sooner was I in my room, looking up at the spot on the wall where my boy scout medals used to hang, thinking: I can live through even this. Meanwhile, I could feel a woman staring at me through the wall, from a car outside, and I immediately knew who she was and where she was from and what she wanted. I went to her and she took me to the Empty Streets. It was frozen and dark and there was no one and then she was gone and I was still there.

Last night my father was in the driveway (in dreams), cursing me and my brother John. He seemed small and he wore a fancy overcoat with heavy gloves, like a private eye dressed for church. I laughed at him from in the house. It was Christmas Day.

I have many things to do today.

And a note. I’m listening to Underworld for the first time in two years. The first time I put it on for Susy she laughed and said “What is this, rave music?” Meanwhile across town, Joseph Zehner reports very positive spring vibes after listening to Dig Your Own Hole. Now that I have a dedicated backseat boombox with “we put it on our tour expense tab” cigarette lighter adapter, I may once again be able to roll out.

Things one and two are these.

The end of a maze I was invited into.

Mirra and Mike. Mirra speaks in tongues. Mike gets into fights.