Beat swords into ploughshares / Ceiling women / “Your crew keeps getting smaller, Carmel.” / List of Ways I Have Accidentally Achieved a State of Drunkenness

Dude it’s 4AM on Christmas eve why am I up? I’m already done from having slept awfully last night and there was a time when this would be because I couldn’t wait for Christmas. It was just general anxiety. I dreamed a man was putting his thumb on my forehead and trying to impart all knowledge unto me through that finger, but he couldn’t do me this service unless I relaxed while he did. I tried to think of only the color Yellow but the yellow ideal wasn’t enough to chill me out and in dreams I shook and shook. He said if I didn’t loosen my mind his finger would go through my literal skull and I would die. A beautiful woman there cried and smiled and I cried and told her, When I finally achieve this state, I will go back to the past and find you there. Heavy bro—

It is 4AM and Christmas is underway. Midnight mass and the usual great aunts who I see only once a year.

My grandmother got my mom a hot dog roasting machine like you would see at a convenient mart.

Playing too many video games, feeling seasonally affected, blah blah. I always think I’ll get work done when I come up here but I get too put off of everything and end up awake at odd hours, red-eyeing same walls and ceilings, on the super sixteen regress through harsh Internet sunrise backed by techno drums of death. This time around I’m sleeping in the attic and that’s a welcome change but I’m still not getting anything serious done. Drew multiple pages for OSPREYS zines (big -> small joints, not eighth-sized, so actually a semi-accomplishment) but it’s all obsessive shit, tons of small lines vibrating.

I am hoping once Christmas is done I’ll settle. Saw in the mass book tonight that they call the weeks outside of Lent and Advent “Ordinary Time.” I had forgotten about that, “Ordinary Time.” See future thing about that too tired.

Tour planning is happening too. Can’t wait for Ordinary Time and driving back out. Shaping up to be a fine ride and a killer set of shows. More tomorrow live from opening my presents – got tons of work to do tomorrow afternoon after I wake up from what’s shaping up to be a long nap, will undoubtedly have more to say with a clear head.

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